| Squad Leader
| Squad Officers
|| Squad Treasurer
There once was a man from FUCK YOU
Who bent over to tie up his SHOE
Epsilon rolled in
And with a big grin
Went RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT PAP PAP PAP POP A CAP IN HIS ASS 'cause he was a Rho and/or Solo
-- Jayne Town and Justor JeiGallo
hi does anyone here watch joey--Dionysus Davinci 12:52, 17 May 2007 (CDT)
Epsilon squad is a fun place to hang out. We all know each other's real names and we have a multitude of "in" jokes that we like to reference in conversation. We wash our bodies only with lavender scented soap, going so far as to bulk-order special lavender toothpaste.
Epsilon Squadron is also a role playing squadron. We never discuss the EVE Client or our computers or use any aspect of our personal lives as an excuse to stop playing the game. Every once and a while someone breaks character and there are a bunch of angry out of character replies in parenthesis, but on the whole we're pretty disciplined. We are also the best squad ever.
If you were placed in Epsilon squadron join the channel epsilonswarm today and get jiggy with us! If you want to come meet us just come to our new home in New Harlem, Scalding Pass, as we have been forced to reluctantly abandon our ancestral home of AAS in Syndicate to squatters, winos and refugees from Delta Squadron and New Jersey in order to continue receiving our Goonfleet welfare checks because if there's one thing Goonfleet does well it's keep a brotha down. But if you think that Epsilon Squadron is not right for you then just hang out in the squad for a few months then become bitter and join Rho squad and then we'll make fun of you on our forums. You might even get elected squad leader and decide to steal our POS and all of our money, but that's cool. Once you're done stealing things you can still join Rho.
 Squad Information
L to R: James Decimus, Condiment, Katraine, Zyxphoni
 Leaders and Lieutenants
- Squad Leader, High Lord of Bannings Condiment
- Temporary squad leader as per Epsilon Emergency Powers Act Who is No Longer Temporary Squad Leader but Aspires to be(e LOL): Zyxphoni
- Grand Marshall of Complete Ineffectiveness and hating atfulofhollow FUCK YOU HATFULOFHOLLOW James Decimus
- Admiral of Chill Katraine
- Commander of Ragin Against the Machine Terket
- Best Guy Ever Firstname Lastname
- Squad Magician Nigel
- Philanderer of Fuck Goons ashp
- Sultan of Sucking Cocks Mizura
- Squad Information Minister Val Andil
- Lieutenant of hatin' dis thread Degaal Valen
- Second Lieutenant half assed answers to Condiment's questions Menopause
- Lieutenant of Magic! Sulzanti
- Grand Wizard of Dramarama and Gossipy Goodness Unicue Barbecorn
- Lieutenant of Dickgirls Eruru
- Lieutenant of Boston accents Alurina
- Lieutenant of Bangbus Driving Evil Spongebob
- Controller of Cosby-class Threadnaught Justor JeiGallo
- 2ND LIEUTENANT OF BOOYA THANKS! Sputti
- Lieutenant that has Crabs Shoan
- Private Gumball Machine Lidwen
- Lieutenant of being James Decimus' hauler alt Harry Struman
- Lieutenant of adding himself to the Wiki Article and Chill Sigs Mao Yin
- Lord High Marshall of E-HONOUR Jayne Town
- Ex-Lieutenant of hilarious misspellings Jade Star
 Squad Shit
 Epsilon Supreme Court
- Top row
L to R: Justice Foodchain, Justice Ranstaton, Justice Dinosaur Jr., Justice Zyxphoni
- Bottom row
L to R: Justice Degaal Valen, Justice Val Andil, Chief Justice Katraine, Justice Dionysus Davinci, Justice Jayne Town
 Epsilon: We got ya money
- Wallet Corp Name Epsilon Financial Bureau [E.F.B]
- Wallet Corp CEO Virgil Enarius (send this nigga your money)
- Frigate Cache AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
 A Brief History Of Epsilon
Having access to some of the best space in the game Goonfleet decided to restructure.
Undertaking this process resulted in the Squad system, each given a greek alpha name -
Rho, Pi, Delta, Gamma, Sigma, Theta and finally Epsilon.
For most squads EVE is about the game and nothing else but epsilon is more of a family.
Because of this whether someone is a vet like James Decimus or a newbie like
Lidwen they are all free to do what they want or just chill.
Understanding this has been hard on some, such as Jade Star who left Epsilon for
Rho squad taking most of the drama with him.
Friends forever is the Epsilon motto, misunderstood by some but always together.
Credit: Degaal Valen
 An Expanded History of Epsilon
By Katraine I LUV YA GURL
PRE-EPSILON SQUAD: A LONG LONG TIME AGO (mostly by Junior Archivist Val "Andil" Jackson)
Once upon a time in the land of Epsilon there lived a noble prince. His name was Degaaaaaaaaaaal, and he was extremely well loved by those of his kingdom, dinosaur and people alike, for he was friends with blind men and old women. Alas, the prince was a lonely man and spent many nights by himself playing with his toy ships.
One long night after crying himself to sleep, the prince was awoken by a fairy princess. The rival kingdom of Pilonia was throwing a ball that very night, and the fairy demanded that he go. So the prince donned his finest disguise, called forth his golden carriage, and rode to the ball.
It was there that he spotted a beautiful young maiden, and when their eyes met, he fell instantly in love. The prince and the maiden snuck away to a nearby pond where he asked her to marry him.
Unfortunately this had all been a plot by the evil Henry de Slakemoth, who had seen through the prince's disguise and was using the maiden as a trap to keep Degaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal occupied while he rode forth with his troops, intent on dispatching his rival. Fearing more for the wellbeing of his people than for his own life, the prince activated his emergency temporal shift and jumped forward in time to 1970. Despondent over what she had done to a good man, the maiden drowned herself in the pond. Henry de Slakemoth, enraged, activated his own emergency temporal shift device and followed him. Joining the rival Pi Squad when he arrived in 1985, he found that Prince Degaaaaaal had thrown in his lot with those of the famed Epsilon Squad. He vowed revenge against Degaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal and all he held dear.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE EARLY YEARS
Epsilon Squad was originally formed by the famous Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli in 1970. The Fonz intended for Epsilon to be a home for all the really fucking chill people, the people who knew where the proverbial "it" was at.
His task completed, the Fonz departed in 1971. He left leadership of his squad to his chosen ones, a couple of chill dudes named Manion Taleroth and James Decimus. Epsilon grew in power and influence under their control until one fateful day in 1985 when the two, through means which are still unknown, chilled out so hard that they went missing for decades.
EPSILON SQUAD: TRAGEDY
One of Epsilon's earliest members was Scott "Furnok" Dorn. Dorn served with distinction in Epsilon and gained the trust of the entire goonfleet. One day, while attempting to help orphans out of a burning building, Scott was trapped and, without oxygen, soon became brain damaged. He was rescued by firefighters, but it was too late. However, he acted externally normal, so none of his brothers were aware of this.
He returned to Epsilon after being released from the hospital and claimed that he needed money to build a new orphanage. The Goonfleet, touched by his generosity, donated millions of dollars worth of money and various goods to his cause. However, the new Dorn had no intention of building this orphanage - after taking the generous donations, he left and leveraged his fortune into a new gang dedicated to performing evil in any way possible, thus becoming Epsilon's first mortal enemy despite his history with the squad.
At least one Fleet member, Sweriskaka, is known to have committed suicide after donating nearly all his worldly possessions to the supposed orphanage project. His depression drove him to strap a bomb to his chest and detonate it in a crowded subway, killing dozens.
Even though Scott Dorn is considered to be Epsilon's nemesis, the squad still respects him for the good things he did before he became brain damaged, and to respect the man he once was he is traditionally nominated for squad leadership along with the legitimate candidates.
EPSILON SQUAD: EXODUS
The leader of the Goonfleet gang, Brent "Rem Loc" Roberts, died of a massive heart attack in 1995 after leading the swarm into victorious battle against the Golden Corral Buffet, and his replacement Charles "OG Hoe" Raines led the swarm into some of their finest battles using his brilliant Overmind gimmick and excellent comparisons of the swarm to a rush of fearsome aliens, concepts that would go on to be used in Blizzard's game Starcraft.
Rem Loc miraculously returned from the dead later that year through mysterious means involving GIA director B. Richard "Mittani" Porter and Pope John Paul II and resumed control of Goonfleet. OG Hoe was unhappy with this turn of events and declared a gang war on Roberts and all those who followed him. A decade of civil war followed in which millions of goons fell, brother fighting brother, until Rem Loc finally seized firm control of the swarm in early 2005.
Epsilon was far from immune to the split, and many of its most prominent members left to help form OG Hoe's new gang, including Andrew "Emm EightSeven" Pulaski, Maria "Nattydark" Hernandez, and Carl "Sulzanti" Grant. They also lost the support of their most famous member, Tina "Unicue" Parker, when she defected as well. Weakened and still leaderless, Epsilon continued to wander throughout space, distrustful of all outsiders but never considering the true origin of their next trial - a threat from within.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE STORY OF JOHN TUCKER
The squad, leaderless for 20 years, had gained a reputation as gypsies of the new age. This abruptly ceased when the squad was taken over by married couple Jade and John Star-Tucker in a bloodless coup in 2005. They ruled Epsilon with an unprecedented iron fist. Jade had served with distinction in the Federation Mobile Infantry and boasted an impressive kill count in combat versus the deadly Arachnid army, and insisted that the nomadic Epsilons become a fighting force to be reckoned with under his command.
Eventually it was discovered by Epsilonian Richard "Mizuro" Goldberg that John was only fifteen years old, and Jade was taken into custody by Child Services for corruption of a minor and later sent to prison for a period no less than fifteen years. His cellmate is a large gay hilllbilly named Joe-Bob "Bubba" Anderson reknowned throughout the American penal system for his "friendliness".
John was adopted out to a loving family in England.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE POS WARS
A month after being deposed as squad leader, Jade escaped from prison and "rescued" John Tucker from his foster family. Disillusioned with the lack of organization in the demoralized Epsilon Squad, they used Jade's command codes to steal the Epsilon space station and time-traveled to Nazi Germany in the year 1938. Squad members William Katraine and Val "Andil" Jackson followed them through the temporal disturbance, eventually hiring famed archaeologist Indiana Jones to find them.
Jones tracked Jade and John Tucker to Berchtesgaden, wherethey recovered the space station and fought Adolf Hitler himself in a daring three-man attack on the Nazi stronghold. Tucker nearly escaped with the POS, but Indy used his bullwhip to snatch it from Tucker's greedy hands, which threw Tucker off balance, and caused him to fall down a thousand-foot cliff outside Hitler's doom fortress. Thanking Indy for his help, the two Epsilons time-traveled back to their headquarters and returned the space station to its rightful owners.
Tucker's body was never recovered.
EPSILON SQUAD: YEAR 35
In 2006, James Decimus was found unconscious in a gay bar in Tijuana and returned to Epsilon Squad. Subsequent to this joyous day, control of the squad was handed over to famed rapper and Crip member OG Condiment and dubbed Cripsilon Squad. The squad, with a new-found sense of purpose, celebrated their new unity by performing a coordinated drive-by assault on every other Goonfleet squad, killing ten and wounding dozens more before driving back to Compton to drink gin and juice and plan their next attack.
EPSILON SQUAD: CHANGES
Throughout 2006 and well into 2010, the former Cripsilon went through a series of dramatic changes in focus. While maintaining much of the unity first created when the squad became Cripsilon, the squad first became a Bill Cosby-worshiping cult named Team Huxtable, rampaging through Goonfleet and killing infidel Bill Cosby haters everywhere in a spree of terror lasting over two years.
After the end of their Team Huxtable phase, the squad converted nearly wholesale to the Amish faith and renounced their technology, living a simple life from December 2008 until April 2009, when the Rev. Ezekiah Condiment decided that he couldn't live without his cappucino maker. The squad rapidly shifted in the opposite direction, embracing technology in all its aspects and becoming Epcylon, bane of the rest of Goonfleet.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE EPCYLON TIME
Under the flag of Epcylon, Condiment implemented a program in which all Epsilons were replaced by Cylon robots, and used their capability to clone new organic Cylons to infiltrate all other squads and the directorate. A few directors, such as Lawrence "Academion" Orcher, got wind of the plot. Knowing full well that Academion knew what they were trying, Epcylon engaged in its most dangerous game yet.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE BATTLE FOR EPCYLON
Broadcasting a message to the skies, Epcylon, and particularly squad member William Katraine (already famous for the rescue of the POS from John Tucker and his Nazi army), drew Academion out and into battle. Orcher fought fiercely, killing Epcylons Richard "Mizuro" Goldberg and Jake "Terket" Terketson, but he was unaware of the true depth of the Epcylon plot and was eventually overthrown by his own colleagues in the directorate after Condiment activated their hidden Epcylon programming. Lawrence Orcher now lives in the ancestral Epcylon home in downtown Compton under house arrest, guarded at all times by a platoon of Cylon murder robots. New clones of Mizuro and Terket were brought online, rendering Academion's valiant battle ultimately pointless.
Orcher claims that Epcylon agent Degaal Valen breaks into his house every night and rapes him while talking about pillowy buttocks, although this has never been proven.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE NEXT GENERATION
Finally deciding to form into a military force to be reckoned with under the command of self-appointed Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII, the new High Ultimate Remarkable Fleet invaded outer space in force. Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII took elements of the HURF's elite Blurf Squadron (named after the mother of beloved former Epsilon leader Manion Taleroth, Blurf Taleroth) into unexplored drone-infested space ahead of all other Goonfleet units, establishing a forward base and terrorizing explorers and squatters hoping to start a new life in the previously inaccessible space. Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII moved his flagship aircraft carrier in, giving the fleet immense destructive capability. Claiming the system in the name of Space Emperor Condiment, Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII designated the system New Compton and it became the new outer space home of Epsilon and a disorganized rag-tag group of squatters from the rest of Goonfleet. Thus began Epsilon's rise to power.
RAGIN AGAINST THE MACHINESILON: THE BAN WARS
katraine forgets what dis was so send him a pm or something
EPSILON SQUAD: THE EPSILON EXPEDITIONARY FORCE (mostly by Junior Archivist Val "Andil" Jackson)
Xenophobic and wary of space travel, the people of Epsilon rarely crossed beyond the Great vBulletin Divide. It wasn't until several years after resident psychopath FirstName LastName rampaged the city of New York and devoured the entire populace that three brave young Epsilonian men, Sam "the Tilta" McGoldfingers, William Katraine, and a very stoned Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII (who had lost his title as Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope after the HURF Blurf Squadron got bored and allowed New Compton to be taken by enemy forces), ventured past the Divide to get a glimpse of life outside their beloved home. There they would encounter a Rhovian warband. Silent and unthinking people, the Rhovians lashed out at the Epsilonians for their constant chatter and cursed them before the Gods. "But what about the Hurf and the Blurf?" young Sam "the Tilta" asked. "We wlil haev noan of t hat!" cried the Rhovian Jade Star. Lord Tehmothy "teh windex" Windexter the III filed suit against Epsilon Squad in the Goonfleet Supreme Court, and the GFSC found against humor in a stunning 4-5 decision written by Chief Justice Solo F. Drakban. Epsilon was ordered to leave immediately.
Dejected, the Epsilonians returned to their home. They were surprised to find that several Rhovians were following behind them. Unsure of their intentions, the Epsilonians turned and faced them. Drooling and speaking in broken English, the Rhovians declared loyalty to Epsilon, and the three men breathed a sigh of relief.
EPSILON SQUAD: THE LORD OF PRANKE
Hoping to restore his honor after the loss of New Compton, Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII came up with a brilliant plan to pranke the Fleet at large. His plan was to fake the deaths of the entire Epsilon squadron at the hands of the angry general staff. Supreme Justice Drakban, hoping to cheer the squadron up after his destruction of their smaller pranke against Rho Squadron, agreed to help, and help he did. The pranke went off without a hitch, with much outcry ensuing, until the plan was ruined by one of Epsilon's recent Rhovian defectors, Eronarn Paluzualslsuzusalwhatever. Eronarn leaked the details of the pranke mere hours after it begun and attempted to escape back to Rho Squadron, but his escape was cut off by a raging mob led by Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII, drenched in shit, lit aflame, and launched back over the castle walls into the Rhovian keep. Despite its abrupt and early end, the pranke was considered a success by Epsilon Squad and Leonard John Albert Murder Zyxphoni the XVII was restored to his former rank of Fleet King Lord Admiral Pope.
Condiment became President and ushered in a new era of world chill.
James Decimus was killed in a drive-by shooting in 2017. Despite overwhelming evidence that Delta Squad was at fault, police never arrested anyone for his murder. Epsilons everywhere united and finally succeeded in wiping Delta off the face of the earth in 2020.
Despite a long, arduous search involving all the resources the unified Epsilons could bring to bear, Manion Taleroth was never found.
 Crips Who Went On To Be NICs (Niggas in Charge) (CWWONTBNIC)
- Cringley, I think
- Gramtar left the squad a few months back but now he's a really cool FC so I'm counting him here too.
 NICs Who Went On To Be Crips (NWWOTBC)
- Unicue <3 <3 <3
- Firstname Lastname
 NICs Who Are Still NICs But Are Also Crips (NICWASNICBAAC)
- Sorenson Whatshisname
- Mike Takumi :3 - Owned by a Î”ÎÎ»Ď„Î± now, hahahahahah - Delta Squad
- Is Wooooooooooooooobins a director?
- There's probably someone else I'm forgetting - me - you always forget me <:-]
 Epsilon Squad Charter
 SECTION 1. GENERAL PROVISIONS.
- Subsection 1.01. Scope
- These rules govern proceedings in Epsilon Squad and before Goonfleet, to the extent and with the exceptions stated in rule 1101.
- Subsection 1.02. Purpose and Construction
- These rules shall be construed to secure fairness in administration, elimination of unjustifiable expense and delay, and promotion of growth and development of Epsilon Squad to the end that the squad may continue to chill and proceedings shall be justly and rapidly determined.
- Subsection 1.03. Abuse of Power
- In the event of an abuse of power by a squad leader, the squad leader in question must be punished until he ceases to be a faggot, commits suicide or quits the squad, with exceptions as listed in 104. Punishments shall be meted out as described in 105.
- Subsection 1.04. Exceptions to Abuse of Power
- Exceptions are as follows:
- (a) The abuse is necessary
- In the event that the squad leader abuse of power is necessary the squad leader's lynching shall be waived.
- (b) The abuse is in response to director faggotry
- Squad leader abuse is excused in situations where a director has directly or indirectly abused his power to injure the squad (cf. Academion Infraction Incident, Thread of Lost Director Posts)
- (c) The abuse is funny
- If the abuse is funny it shall be excused with no questions asked.
- Subsection 1.05. Punishments for Abuse of Power
- Punishments are as follows:
- (a) Grade 1 faggotry
- The prescribed punishment for low-grade (1) faggotry is ridicule.
- (b) Grade 2 faggotry
- The prescribed punishment for medium-grade (2) faggotry is vicious anal rape.
- (c) Grade 3 faggotry
- The prescribed punishment for high-grade (3) faggotry is being forced to listen to recorded State of the Goonion addresses for no less than eight hours.
- (d) Grade 4 faggotry
- The prescribed punishment for treason-grade (4) ultimate faggotry is exile to Rho Squadron.
- Subsection 1.06. Emergency Powers Act
- In the event of an abuse of power by any squad-appointed or self-appointed squad official, any chill member may exercise this act and seize control of the squad official's position or assign themselves a position to deal with the situation at hand. This is valid in cases of:
- (a) HURF BLURF
- All squad-related hurf blurf situations require a chill member to exercise the Emergency Powers Act.
- (b) HURF DURF
- HURF DURF related situations of class 8 or higher require a chill member to exercise the Emergency Powers Act for the greater good of the squad. These include director invasion and disbanding of the squad wallet while attempting to steal a POS.
 SECTIONS 2 THROUGH 4737
- These sections pertain to methods and levels of squad chill and are classified by Emergency Powers Act exercised 12/8/06
 SECTION 4738. HURF BLURF.
- Subsection 4738.1. Scope
- This section pertains to all things definable as or existing in a state of hurf blurf
- Subsection 4738.2. Hurf Blurf
- All topics and subjects pertaining to "serious business" and of "EVE Online" are considered to be hurf blurf.
- Subsection 4738.3. General Rule of Hurf Blurf
- Every person is competent to hurf blurf except as otherwise provided in these rules. However, in squad forum actions and proceedings, with respect to an element of a claim or defense as to which Goonfleet law supplies the rule of decision, the competency of a serious business post shall be determined in accordance with Goonfleet law.
- Subsection 4738.4. Lack of Personal Knowledge
- A hurf blurf may not testify to a matter unless evidence is introduced sufficient to support a finding that the hurf blurfer has personal knowledge of the matter. Evidence to prove personal knowledge may, but need not, consist of the hurf blurfer's own testimony. This rule is subject to the provisions of rule 4738.5, relating to opinion testimony by expert hurf blurfers.
- Subsection 4738.5. Opinion Testimony by Expert Hurf Blurfers
- The facts or data in the particular thread upon which an expert bases an opinion or inference may be those perceived by or made known to the expert at or before the shitpost. If of a type reasonably relied upon by experts in the particular field in forming opinions or inferences upon the subject, the facts or data need not be admissible in evidence in order for the opinion or inference to be admitted. Facts or data that are otherwise inadmissible shall not be disclosed in the hurf blurf thread by the proponent of the opinion or inference unless Epsilon Squad determines that their probative value in assisting the squad members to evaluate the expert's opinion substantially outweighs their prejudicial effect. (cf. "Titans can shoot doomsday weapons through cynosural fields from fifty systems away OMG")
- Subsection 4738.6. Compliance.
- (a) All usages of hurf blurf must comply with chilling regulations as laid out in 1195.1-9 and 2815.8(a)
- (b) Proper usage includes:
- (1) Announcing squad initiatives or ops
- (2) Asking questions concerning EVE (f.ex. ship fitting, skills, mining)
- (c) Improper usage of hurf blurf includes:
- (1) asking questions about faggoty things not pertaining to the faggotry that is EVE
- (2) shit posting
- (3) thread parodies
- Subsection 4738.7. Variations
- Variations of "hurf blurf" may only be used for shitposting or parody thread reasons when it is extremely clear that the hurf blurf variant in question is a parody. f.ex
- [BLURF HURF] not recognized as mockery
- [BURF HLURF] not recognized as mockery
- [HURF DURF] not recognized as mockery
- [HURFL BLURFL] not recognized as mockery
- [SMURF DURF] not recognized as mockery
- [MURF HURF BLURF DURF LURFL SHURF PURF QURFL NURF] recognized as mockery
 SECTION 4739. MISCELLANEOUS INFORMATION.
- Subsection 4739.1. Amendments
- Amendments to the Epsilon Squad Charter may be made as provided in section 2072 of title 28 of the Goonfleet Code.
- Subsection 4739.2. Title
- These rules may be known and cited as the Epsilon Squad Charter.
 SECTION 4740. JUDICIAL BRANCH OF EPSILON.
- Subsection 4740.1. Establishment Clause
- The Judicial Branch of Epsilon is hereby given the power to oversee decisions by the executive branch but really can't do shit about it. This also allows the Supreme Court, the highest and only of Epsilon's court system, to make decisions concerning the distribution of titles and positions on a whim.
- Subsection 4740.2. Calling it First
- I, Ranstaton, call dibs on a position of the Supreme Court of Epsilon as outlined in subsection 4740.1 and under the authority of subsections 2758.33, 2758.34, and 4638.1 of the classified sections which allow me to make this up as I go along because you guys can't see them. Furthermore Katraine is appointed to the Supreme Court because he is generally a pretty chill dude and he is one of the founding fathers of epsilon as well as author of the Constitution.